Chinese Whispers
by moon ash
Summary: The new captain of squad five, Ichigo Kurosaki, is lost without modern technology, and in an effort to modernise the Soul Society, the Internet is installed into the Seireitei. Chaos ensues. Meanwhile, Byakuya and Rukia are finding the Internet to be a useful tool in unearthing hidden feelings and unspoken desires. M for very ADULT situations, language and themes. Crack fic!


**A/N:**** Ha, this is crack fic in its prime. Having just read this back to myself in an effort to beta-read it, I laughed my British arse off at myself. I'm such a classy lady.**

**Writing isn't as good as it should be, but it's not as developed, laboured and love-filled as the others. It's meant to be crack/funny/ well…you know…pronz-filled…I really wish the Internet would come to the soul society; I'd love to see what would happen. Perhaps this would? All right you filthy perverts, read on.**

**I don't own Bleach**

**WARNINGS: KINKY SHIT, BYAKUYA/RUKIA PAIRING, ADULT THEMES, GRAPHIC MASTURBATION, VOYERISM, GRAPHIC LEMONS, SENSORY ****DEPRIVATION, LIMES, AND THEMES OF PORNOGRAPHY. Also, SERIOUS FLUFF, CUTENESS, ALL THE FEELS ;_ ;**

**It's a bit of a crack filled PWP (Plot, what plot?)**

* * *

**Chinese Whispers **

"Anymore items of business?" Yamamoto asked, clearing his throat as he looked upon the over-worked captains.

"Y-Yes," asked a hesitant captain after much deliberation, "I have something I would like to discuss."

"Captain Kurosaki," he addressed the new captain, "What matter needs discussion?"

Ichigo cleared his throat, nervous for his first speech at a meeting. Having been only a captain for six months, he was still new to this and his nerves showed in his voice, "I would like to request that we install the 'internet' in Seireitei." The other captains were silent, all in confusion and surprise. He couldn't help but hold out hope for the Seireitei. Since becoming captain of squad five, he noticed that he sincerely missed all the little things he had taken for granted living in a modern society: juice cartons, public transport, television, body care products and most importantly, the internet. Putting it frankly, he simply missed the days when he could stagger home from school, lock his door, turn on his computer, and have a wank. It wasn't as if Seireitei didn't have one or two adult entertainment stores, however, being a captain of his status, he couldn't simply walk in and rent such an item. It would most definitely cause quite the scandal. It wasn't just the porn he was missing either, he was already sick to death of paperwork, and computers would make document filing easier and quicker.

"The in…ter…net?" Yamamoto asked, completely dumbfounded as the rest of them.

"Why do we need nets?" Soi Fon asked, looking around at her helpless colleagues.

"Should we be getting into them?" Unohana continued.

"This seems a little farfetched," Ukitake interjected.

"No, no," Ichigo explained, "It's basically a load of computers linked together that can share files and data. It means that we can move everything from paperwork to digital work. We won't need to send messages using hell butterflies and we can keep in touch with each other instantly."

"I do like the idea of no more paperwork," Shunsui agreed lazily.

"Yeah, but the only computer in the Seireitei is captain Kurotsuchi's," Zaraki pointed out, grimacing at the thought.

"Personally, I don't wish to see what captain Kurotsuchi has on that machine," captain Kuchiki pointed out.

"We all have our own machines that we can put all of our individual and personal things onto," Ichigo continued, hoping that he was getting somewhere, "We can't access each other's personal data but we can send each other things and they can arrive instantly."

"Instantly?" Hitsugaya asked, slightly hesitant about this new revolutionary thing, but he liked the idea of the upsides.

"Yes," Mayuri interjected, "I find that file storage on my computer is much easier and things are indeed instant."

"But we've always done it this way," Unohana protested, slightly worried for this new change.

"We should welcome change though," Shunsui suggested, still looking forward to less paperwork.

"We'll take a vote," Yamamoto said, "We can decide whether to install this net thing and slowly introduce computers to each squad."

Ichigo watched in anticipation as the rest of the captains voted, all worried but excited by the idea of new technology. To his relief, more captains voted in favour of the Internet than those who didn't.

"Very well," Yamamoto concluded, "Captain Kurotsuchi, I hereby put you in charge of locating a computer for each captain and vice-captain and setting up this in…net thing."

Mayuri grumbled but agreed. It wouldn't take too much effort if he commissioned Urahara into helping him get hold of the hardware.

"Since you've requested it," Yamamoto turned to Ichigo now, "I expect you to give everyone lessons on how to use it and transfer all paper-based archives to the machines."

"Understood," he replied with a grin, he would finally get some decent 'alone time' material.

xxxxxxx

With much grumbling and groaning, Mayuri had managed to get Urahara to supply them with enough laptops and desktop computers, all state-of-the-art, no less. Getting various soul reapers stationed across Japan, he had managed to set up enough servers and terminals to create a link through the Senkaimon and put Seireitei onto the Internet.

Ichigo had rigged up a projector in one of squad one's rooms, linked to his laptop, as he gave the first lesson on how to use the Internet.

"This, is 'Google'," he said pointing to the screen, "This is your fountain of knowledge. If you have a question, any question in the world or want to research something, you just type it in this box with your keyboard. You no longer have to go to the library for research." Ichigo smirked as his colleagues nodded in amazement, "If you type something in, it'll take you to a load of links…these things here…and if you click on it, you can read about what you've searched for!" He explained what the internet was as some soul reapers asked why they couldn't 'see' the internet as a physical object. He explained all the little functions of web pages and computers so they had a brief overview of how to use it. As he suggested, all captains and vice-captains signed up for an email account using the Soul Reaper based internet interface so they could easily send emails.

Two weeks in, and most felt more comfortable with their computers, apart from they sometimes overheated and shut down or decided to update, which, inevitably caused much concern and panic. Ichigo had explained how to use a word processor and data filing, allowing the captains to get right to work and type up paperwork and archive things onto external hard-drives. It was going well, and everyone seemed to enjoy the benefits of computers, once they had learnt how to use them, that was. However, both Renji's and Ichigo's clumsiness plunged the Seireitei into chaos one afternoon.

"Captain Kurosaki?" Renji asked, knocking on Ichigo's door and entering as it opened a little. He stepped in, looked around and found that he wasn't in. He had wanted to get advice on what to do with his computer, as it had seemed to crash half-way through backing up, however a strange sound distracted him, prompting him to go to Ichigo's laptop. He sat down cautiously, his brows rising in curiosity as he looked through the tabs on the Internet browser, opening the last one, to his shock. He briefly saw a woman lying on a bed as a man rutted over her, causing loud and obscene things to come from the woman's mouth. He flicked to another tab quickly as his face turned bright red. What the fuck was that? Why is it on the Internet? Why the hell is Ichigo looking at it? He got up quickly, rushing to the door, and only stopping when a particularly loud moan from the woman rang in his ears. He inwardly groaned, not matter what this strange thing is; it's hot to say the least. He looked around, closing the door behind him and skirting back to the computer before clicking back on the tab, noticing that the woman was now on top of the man, screaming in pleasure as she fucked him. Although Renji's cheeks were a colour similar to his hair, he couldn't ignore the rising tension in his pants as he watched the erotic scene in front of him, his hand itching to relieve the pressure.

"Renji!" Ichigo exclaimed as he walked through the door, suddenly noticing how Renji was watching the porn intently, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"What the fuck are _you_ doing?" Renji asked, jumping up to face Ichigo, forgetting his obvious bulge.

"Isn't that obvious?" Ichigo exclaimed, pointing to the porn on his screen.

"No," Renji argued, his face even redder, "What the fuck is that?"

"You don't know what pornography is?" Ichigo asked, more curious now than angry and embarrassed.

"What?" Renji asked, confused as to what he meant.

"Pornography…" Ichigo tried, "You know, what you use to…you know…jerk off with?"

"I use my imagination for that!" Renji argued, becoming flustered from embarrassment and having been caught watching it.

"Have you never been to adult video shops in Rukongai? You're a vice-captain, it doesn't matter as much if you're seen there," he asked, astounded that even Renji hadn't come across porn yet.

"We have those?" Renji asked.

"Yeah," Ichigo revealed, "You know, to help men…get off…as it were…"

"What's this thing called again?" Renji asked with a grin, suddenly excited rather than embarrassed.

"Pornography," Ichigo explained, "You can find it easily on the Internet, just search for it. Now I have a captain's meeting to attend, come to my office later for whatever you were originally in here for. Also…don't tell anyone about this, I don't want every man and his dog knowing about it…"

xxxxxxx

"And then…he said pornography!" Renji cried with laughter after starting his third bottle of sake with his drinking partner, Rangiku, "It was hilarious."

"What?" Rangiku also laughed after getting a sloppy half-told story, "What did you find?"

"P-Pornography," Renji slurred, "It's really useful."

"What's that?" she laughed along with him, "Sounds funny."

"It's like dirty pictures, but moving and stuff," he garbled in-between slurps of sake.

"Dirty pictures?" Rangiku laughed, looking at Renji as he gained her interest.

"Yeah, liked ladies and guys going at it, but like, moving instead of just pictures," he explained as Rangiku grinned widely.

"Really?" she asked, excited at something so foreign, "Like the erotic books, but moving pictures, like the movies in the living world?"

"Exactly," Renji agreed, shaking the bottle at her, "It's very good, if you know what I mean." He winked at her and she giggled in response.

"I want to see it!" she declared shamelessly, still unconvinced that such a thing existed, "Who showed it to you?"

"Ichigo," he replied, "I walked into his office and it was blaring on his screen, sexy noises and all!"

"Where do you find it?" she asked, hoping that her drunken brain would remember for tomorrow.

"Justssearch the internet for it, type it in…you know," he continued to slur with a wide grin.

xxxxxxx

"Matsumoto!" Toshiro cried out as Rangiku stumbled down the hall loudly, giggling and laughing to herself as she tried to get to her room.

"Uh…sorry –hic- c-captain…" she tried to say as he stood on the threshold to his room, arms crossed and one foot tapping.

"If you're going to stay out until two in the morning, at least come back quietly!" He chastised before stifling a yawn. She started giggling and he frowned at her childish behaviour, but then again, it was Matsumoto, this was a regular occurrence, "Why are you laughing?"

"B-Because Renji told me this hilarious thing!" she tried to stop herself, but she cackled loudly in the hallway, feet stumbling a little.

"What did he tell you this time?" Toshiro snapped, his patience wearing thin with tiredness.

"He told me," Rangiku began, "That he caught Ichigo watching pornography on his computer!" She threw her head back and laughed, chuckling at both the young man's expense and from the influence of alcohol.

"He what?" Toshiro asked, genuinely interested now, albeit confused.

"He caught Ichigo watching pornography earlier," she repeated, her laughing slowly as she continued to traipse down the hall to her room.

"What's that?" he asked as he moved out of the doorway and watched her fiddle with the keys to her room.

"Just moving pictures and stuff," she laughed as the key turned and she stumbled into the room before flopping on the bed, unconscious.

"Moving pictures?" he asked before shaking his head and closing the door behind him as he headed back to bed.

xxxxxxx

Upon the ending of the morning meeting, Toshiro walked past various captains before slowing the pace to walk behind captain Kyoraku and captain Ukitake. The pair talked and paid little attention to the small captain behind them. He hadn't managed to talk to his lieutenant this morning, as she had been incarcerated by a hangover, but if anyone knew what this 'pornography' deal was, it would be these two, the oldest and wisest of the captains – apart from captain Yamamoto, of course.

"Oh, Toshiro-chan," Shunsui now turned around to address the seemingly confused smaller captain, "Is something wrong?"

"Not exactly," he responded as the two captains made space between them for him, "I have a question."

"What is it, Shiro-chan?" Ukitake asked as they exited the first squad before walking along the main path.

"My vice-captain came back to my squad last night laughing about something called 'pornography,'" Toshiro explained, "She found this concept humorous, but she failed to tell me what it is exactly. She was very vague about it. It's merely curiosity, but I wondered if you had any inclination?"

"Pornography?" Shunsui asked as he scratched his chin and he inwardly searched his brain for the terminology.

"I haven't heard of it before," Ukitake replied as Shunsui continued to wrack his brains, "What did she tell you?"

"She said it was 'moving pictures,'" he said with a shrug as he looked up at them, "But they're called 'films' or 'movies' in the living world, so why is it suddenly called 'pornography?'"

"I'm not sure," Ukitake frowned, what the hell was this 'pornography'? Was it all that funny? "Shun?"

"No, not ringing any bells for me," he shrugged, "But I bet captain Kurotsuchi will know, he's the expert on human data." Shunsui pointed over to captain Kurotsuchi who was walking ahead of them as he had exited the meeting in a rush.

"Good idea," Toshiro agreed with a nod. He flash stepped over to the captain and stopped him with his question.

"I've never heard of that before," the impatient captain stressed to the boy, "Though I am curious. If it comes from captain Kurosaki, then undoubtedly it's from the living world. We have no such thing here in the soul society."

"What is this conglomeration for?" Byakuya's cold voice cut through them as Toshiro, Mayuri, Shunsui and Jūshirō discussed.

"We were talking about 'pornography,'" Shunsui replied as captain Kuchiki joined the circle.

"Pornography?" Byakuya asked, only the slightest tone of curiosity and confusion in his voice.

"Do you know what it is?" Toshiro asked the cold captain.

"I have no recollection of that word or it's meaning," Byakuya replied before turning to captain Kurotsuchi, "Do you know what it is?"

"Unfortunately not," he explained, "It's something from the living world that captain Kurosaki has been dealing with. It's do with this 'internet' that has been installed."

"My vice-captain came home laughing about it," Toshiro continued, "She described it as 'moving pictures' but they have separate words for that in the living world."

"Indeed," Byakuya agreed, knowing about the living world entertainment cinemas.

"I would like to know what it is now," Shunsui whined, "I'd like to see if it is all that funny."

"If vice-captain Matsumoto is intoxicated, then she finds anything funny," Jūshirō pointed out, to which a mutual agreement was founded,

"Nii-sama!" the group heard from afar, and Byakuya turned around to see the smiling face of his younger sister run up to him.

"What are you doing here, Rukia?" he asked icily, aware that she was not at her post as vice-captain.

"You're here for the vice-captain's meeting, right, Rukia?" Jūshirō asked with a smile.

"Yes, captain," she replied, "I thought that I should remind Nii-sama that duties will keep me from dinner this evening."

"Very well," he acknowledged her excuse for not attending dinner, before returning to the group, as Mayuri spoke.

"I will investigate this issue shortly, it could be hazardous."

"I shall also do preliminary investigations on this 'pornography' once my captain duties have been filled for the day," Byakuya agreed with a nod, "Perhaps we should all look into this issue."

"NO! Nii-sama!" Rukia cried upon hearing their conversation. She was utterly shocked, and her outcry prompted all the captains to whip around and look at her, confused.

"Rukia, what's gotten into you?" Jūshirō answered for Byakuya, concerned for his vice-captain. She would never speak this way to captains, much less her to brother.

"Nothing, I apologize," she said quickly, "It's just…Nii-sama, you don't need to investigate anything."

"Do you know what it is, Rukia?" Byakuya asked, his stoic mask expressing nothing, but beneath the surface he was deeply confused and shocked by his sister's outburst. She had to know what it was.

"Er…I…" she looked around at the captains as her cheeks coloured with a furious blush, there was no way could she explain what pornography was. But wait, how did they even know about it in the first place, "Where did you hear it from?"

"My vice-captain said that vice-captain Abarai was told about it from captain Kurosaki," Toshiro explained quickly, "Do you know anything about it? You've spent a lot of time with him, and you've spent a lot of time in the living world."

She rolled her eyes, fucking Ichigo. The idiot would go and do something stupid like tell Renji, ugh, men and their incessant need to 'ease the ache' between their legs, "It's just that…" She feared for her brother, she would hate for his pure mind to be tainted with the filth that the boy Ichigo deals with, he could be scarred forever, "Please Nii-sama, captain Kurotsuchi should deal with this, you needn't worry."

Byakuya was about to speak up and chastise her for her questioning of his position, when vice-captain Hinamori called over to her.

"I must attend the meeting now, good day," She bowed deeply and her face flushed crimson, before she flash stepped away, deeply thanking Momo for saving her.

"What was that about?" Shunsui asked, confused.

"She knows what it is," Byakuya replied calmly, "I can tell by the look on her face."

"Why did she lie?" Jūshirō asked, "That's not like her at all."

"Her face was pretty red, she was blushing quite a bit," Shunsui pointed out.

"Perhaps it's something embarrassing?" Mayuri interjected as he tapped his long nail against the side of his head in an attempt to unravel the mystery.

"Embarrassingly funny?" Toshiro suggested.

"She seemed pretty adamant that you shouldn't investigate, captain Kuchiki," Shunsui continued.

"What's she hiding?" Mayuri murmured evilly under his breath, already thinking of how to get the information out of the young Kuchiki.

"Don't you dare have her in your office," Jūshirō stopped the other captain's train of thought, "You'll do all sorts of things to her in an attempt to get her to talk. She's a good vice-captain, I don't want to lose another one."

"Agreed," Byakuya confirmed as he looked at the freakish captain, "I'd like her in one piece and unharmed."

"Fine," Mayuri pouted, "Then I'll have the Kurosaki boy in, as he's the one who's brought this chaos to the soul society."

"He's on a mission in the living world," Toshiro replied, "That's the problem. I would have gone to him first about it. That's why he missed the meeting."

"Ah," Mayuri said, disappointed, "Oh well, I'll just type this word into the Internet and see what comes up."

"I will do the same," Byakuya agreed, curious to see what his little sister didn't want him to see.

"Me too," Shunsui interjected.

Followed by a nod from Jūshirō, "And me."

"I will check too," Toshiro agreed, "Perhaps we could discuss our findings later in the week."

They were about to disband when captain Zaraki swaggered up to them, face alight with something, "Have you heard of this 'pornography'?"

"Not you too," Toshiro replied under his breath.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kenpachi challenged as he gripped his sword over his shoulder.

"It's nothing," Shunsui dispelled, clearing the tension, "We were just talking about it, actually."

"Everybody is talking about it," Zaraki explained, "It's come from Matsumoto. She was laughing about it with Abarai and Izuru overheard. Naturally he asked Hisagi about it, who then asked Madarame and Ayasegawa. They came to me with the same question, but I had no answer."

"Who else is talking about it?" Mayuri asked.

"Most of the soul society," he casually replied, "I heard a load of my squad talking about it this morning, they said they heard it from squad one. They said it was something painful."

"Painful?" Jūshirō asked, confused, "Matsumoto found it humorous."

"Humorous?" Kenpachi barked a laugh, "Rumour is that squad four heard that it's something depressing."

"Well is it depressing, humorous or painful?" Mayuri jumped up and down with frustration, desperate to scuttle to his lab and investigate this in intriguing mystery.

"It could be all three," Shunsui shrugged.

"Weird," Kenpachi commented, "I think I shall get my squad to investigate it."

"We're all going to look into it," Jūshirō agreed, "In case it's something dangerous."

"We're to have a meeting to discuss this later in the week," Toshiro concluded as the other captains nodded in agreement.

xxxxxxx

Byakuya finished typing up the training report of his new recruits before saving it in the squad folder on his computer. He then opened up a new document as Ichigo had shown him in the computer class, before pulling up the Internet page and typing into Google. He said the word to himself as he attempted to type it, the browser filling in the rest of the word for him as he typed. His eyes narrowed as he looked down the long list of websites.

"Porn hub…" he read aloud as he read the description below the link, "Ah, this will explain it." He clicked the link and waited for it to load, stifling a yawn in the process, he been run ragged with new recruits and missions, and he was certainly feeling the pressure. He studied the screen intently as it finished loading and his eyes immediately widened upon the change. His heart rate spiked dramatically and a sense of shock flooded him as naked women paraded on the screen, lining the sides of the page with explicit pictures of men, women, sex and genitals. Brightly coloured text appeared at the top with various links and media. He immediately closed the browser window and shuffled back from the screen as if the nakedness could fly out from it and hit him. His hand was on his chest as he breathed heavily, utter disbelief and shock coating him. What the fuck was that?

He shook his head; if that was pornography, then that tiny glimpse of it was more than enough for him. Heart still pounding, he grabbed his calligraphy set with shaking hands and made use of the rest of the long table to practise calligraphy. Forcing his mind to concentrate, he produced less than adequate characters and realised that his hands were still shaking from shock. He placed his brush down after more ruined characters and took a deep breath as he tried to compose himself.

So this pornography is pictures of naked women, like the erotica art books in the dark sections of the libraries, nothing new and nothing important, his brain rationalised. But…this wasn't like drawn pictures of ladies done by artists, this was real, raw women, conveniently placed on the internet for men to access in the privacy of their own homes. No wonder Kurosaki was caught by Renji, the pair of them are perverted youths looking for such dirty things. He shook his head, it can't be helped. Feeling a little calmer, he returned to the art in front of him, his mind swimming with the images he'd just seen. Frowning, he tried harder by creating increasingly more complex characters, but he realised that the more he tried, the more his brain dissented him and supplied him with more pictures. He slammed his brush down, something he very rarely did, and sat back from the table, annoyed that his body was acting against him and was reacting to the women he had seen.

How long had it been since he'd decided to scratch a very primal itch? He sighed, apparently too long. He hadn't made love to another woman since his wife had died, and it was seldom that he sought release. It wasn't that he didn't feel urges, he's a man like the rest of them, but exercising self control and resisting human need was indeed virtuous for a man of his standing, and self gratification should rarely be taken care of. He looked down into his lap and sighed at his erection, shaking his head at his human reactions. His gaze wandered back to the black computer screen, and his fingers itched to navigate back to that page with the mouse.

He scowled as his eyes flickered to his closed door, Rukia would be out until late and nobody would disturb him in his office. He found that his hand was already hovering over the mouse, and despite his disgust with himself; he told himself that in order to research this filth properly, it must be thoroughly viewed and documented. He turned the monitor back on and pulled up the web browser in order to search for the page he was previously on. Like before, images of naked women and sex plastered on his screen, prompting his hardness to full strength once more. He swallowed thickly upon reading the links at the top of the page and clicked the first one 'popular.' He was instantly taken to a page of thumbnails with writing under then, prompting him to click the first one. He sat, surprised, as a woman in a scantily clad outfit met an apparent room service waiter at the door. He watched for a few minutes and got the picture loud and clear as the pleasantries of the man and woman turned into graphic sex on the bed, the woman moaning loudly as the man pounded into her, yelling obscenities to her.

"Moving pictures," he murmured, putting two and two together. As Matsumoto had laughed about, they are indeed moving pictures, but these were clearly short videos of sex with the point of giving men an opportunity to masturbate. How low the human race has sunk. Although the video gave him the desired bodily response, he found the woman too big-breasted, too loud, and quite fake. He shook his head and sighed, his erection was becoming painful now, and as much as it appalled him, he desperately needed to take care of it. He headed to his study door; made sure it was well and truly shut, before zipping back to the computer and turning the sound down a little. He headed back to the main page and searched for something a little more refined and tasteful, preferring his women to be natural and graceful. He searched for something that reminded him of his wife.

xxxxxxx

Rukia hung her overcoat on the hooks by the door as she entered the house, shutting the door behind her. The meeting had finished early and she had headed out to dinner with her friends before returning home, tired, and wanting to read a book before sleeping. She turned on a light as she looked around; the house seemed deserted, the servants having retired to their quarters and her brother nowhere to be found. As she walked down the main corridor, she felt his reiatsu coming from the study, his pressure fluctuating rapidly before cooling off, then speeding up and coming and going in short bursts. She frowned, that was strange. She muffled her reiatsu as she walked past, stopping at the creak of the floorboards but looking at the door in shock as it slid open a tiny amount. She shook her head, he must not have shut of properly. He often forgets to shut it if he is in his calligraphy mode. Her small smile faded, however, as she heard a strange noise coming from inside the door, and her eyes widened, hand clamping over her mouth as she looked into the room from the tiny crack in the door.

xxxxxxx

Byakuya much preferred this woman to the last; this woman was natural, had smaller breasts and womanly hips. She seemed graceful and almost shy at times, a lady rather than just a woman. Since he started watching it, he had divested himself of his Hakama trousers and shirt, finding it stifling him his study. His top lay on the floor around his hips and his trousers had been pushed down to his feet allowing his hardness to slip through the once-buttoned hole in his shorts. He watched the beautiful woman moan upon receiving teasing foreplay and he let out the tiniest groan as he finally allowed himself to touch the ache. It had been too long, he decided as he fondled himself, moving his hand slowly. He quickly looked around, rooting through his drawers for some form of lubricant. He usually had no use for lubricant – he didn't have sex, so why would he have any? He desperately looked through all of his drawers, and sighed in relief upon finding hand cream. It wasn't ideal, but it would do. Reaching into the pot and taking a generous handful, he rubbed it between his hands and applied it to his cock, taking away the painful dryness as he started again. He was too interested in his quest to notice Rukia staring at him through the crack in the door.

xxxxxxx

Rukia watched intently, her breathing shallow, and hotness gathering between her legs. Her clitoris pounded in arousal and squeezing her thighs together was all she could do to soothe the fire. She couldn't go back, fearing the squeaky floorboard. She was stuck, and she could do nothing other than watch the Adonis before her, pleasuring himself. He had stripped to his hips, being nothing more than flesh, muscle and raw, sexual heat. She looked him up and down, eyes widening at his perfect body, handsome face and sizeable hardness protruding from his shorts. She could hear the moans and grunts of the pornography he was watching, knowing full well that he had not heeded her warning. She had accidently made the same mistake as Renji upon fiddling with Ichigo's computer one day in the living world. She knew what porn sounds like.

She bit her lower lip as she watched the man she desired; move his hand up and down. She sighed internally and allowed herself a small smile…he even masturbates gracefully. It seemed that no matter what that man does, eat, sweat, sleep, work, masturbate…he did everything with utter grace and poise. He looked beautiful, even when watching utter filth. His long fingers curled into a fist and moved up and down, small sensual gasps emitting from his mouth, throwing fuel on her fire.

xxxxxxx

Byakuya picked up the pace, watching the movie intently as the man claimed the woman, thrusting hard into her, turning him on even more. He cursed inwardly, knowing that he'd come quickly – having not done so in an exceedingly long time. He'd wanted to draw it out a little, spend longer and indulge. He reached into the desk drawer with his free hand and pulled out a few tissues quickly, preferring not to cover his hand in his orgasm. His pleasure spiked as the man dirty-talked the woman, prompting loud moans and cries in response.

xxxxxxx

Rukia knew she should be disgusted. For one, she should appalled at her brother for watching this filth and jerking off to it, but most importantly, she should be ashamed at herself for watching him and equally getting off on it. Her breath hitched as he hastily grabbed some tissues, no doubt he was close, and she could see him still a little as the audio suddenly became ten times dirtier. She caught the whimper in her throat before it could escape upon hearing the filth – it certainly did the trick of turning her on. She frowned however as she watched him, was he trembling? She had never before seen him at his most primal, human level and even though he oozed prestige, deep down, he's just as caring, normal and downright perverted as any other creature on the planet. Moreover, he'd married her sister, so there must be some redeeming qualities to him. The notion steadied her, why should she be so afraid of him? Sure, he's a captain, but he's as human as any other man, and deep down she knew that he'd never really hurt her. She hoped he wouldn't, anyway. She could hear his breathing speed up as his hand moved faster, pushing him towards the goal.

xxxxxxx

He wanted to last, he really did, but he realised that in twenty minutes time, he could continue to the end of the video and indulge a second time. Besides, the servants were in the own quarters for the night and Rukia was out, so he'd have time to fully explore this new media. He gripped tighter, knowing the outcome was inevitable and rushed to place the tissues in place as he released, eyes closed, mouth slightly open and head tipped upwards. His whole body spasmed with the sweet, sweet, euphoric relief, not even caring that warmth dripped down his fingers and palm.

xxxxxxx

Rukia's legs clamped shut and she gripped onto the doorframe, holding on for dear life. She kept her lips shut, fearful that her whimpers might betray her as she watched the Adonis release. He had never looked so beautiful as the waves of euphoria struck his body artistically, causing muscles to strain and relax under his skin as he arched a little. Then, she heard it. His deep groan of satisfaction that turned her insides to a soft pile of mush, and her legs wobbled, threatening to give way at any time. She shifted her foot as she nearly collapsed, thumping it on the floor and causing the floorboard to creak. Panicked by the move, her saliva caught in her throat, causing her to cough it back up loudly. After a few seconds, she managed to straighten herself, her heart stopping and the roar of blood in her ears as she forced herself to look back into the crack. She looked straight into the eyes of Byakuya, who shared her look of panic and anxiety. However, as her eyes widened in fear, his narrowed in confusion, forcing her to look away and flash step to her room, bewildered. She managed to shut and lock her bedroom door in time, standing on the other side of it, as seconds later, Byakuya stood on the opposite.

Fear and worry raged through her. Fuck. What she had thought earlier? This man is terrifying. She cursed, hating herself for watching him, how would she ever look at him in the same way? She shook her head, she would have to move out and into her barracks, become disowned and take on another last name of her choice, live alone and without any Kuchiki involvement, become an independent woman once more.

Would he say anything, do anything? Or would he brush it under the carpet and pretend it didn't happen? She hoped so. She prayed that they could just ignore it and carry on without awkwardness. But that would be impossible.

xxxxxxx

Byakuya stood on the other side of her door, thoroughly confused and fearful. Had she seen him? Was she disgusted? Why the hell hadn't he checked the door properly? He could tell she was terrified, her expression at the door way and her current reiatsu clearly indicated that. Should he say something or just leave it and hope that she wouldn't ever bring it up again?

He stepped away after a long minute and headed down the hall. He stopped mid-way, perhaps she had been watching? He shook his head, preposterous. Why would she want to watch such a disgusting act, and of her brother, no less? But her expression earlier, when she had looked into her eyes, it had spoken of fear and something much more deep, hidden. If she had been disgusted, then she would have run away and hidden in bed, hoping for a brain bleach or she would have hit herself with a memory chikan. Instead she had gripped to the door, and lost her balance as she had tried to watch. He smiled, all fear and concern eradicated as he headed back to his study.

xxxxxxx

Half an hour later saw Rukia tucked up in bed, slightly less shocked and panicked, but worrying nonetheless. She hadn't heard a peep from anyone or anything and figured that he had gone back to his study or to bed. It wasn't long after this that as she stretched out, she felt a familiar pressure. She sat up, quickly; her breath hastening as she felt the same flares of reiatsu hit her at full pelt. She knew immediately that Byakuya's reiatsu was flaring, pleasure filled, and as excited as before. She rolled her eyes playfully, was he going again? She laughed to herself before a much harsher thought took hold? Was he teasing her? Warning her to never look into his study again? Or was he trying to tell her that they needed to talk about this? Was he really that angry with her? She felt carefully, letting no flares of reiatsu out, keeping the normal level continue to flow in and out of her, betraying nothing of her feelings. Though knowing Byakuya, he'd been able to guess her feelings from her slight differences in reiatsu level anyway, no matter how minuscule the changes. Such was the abilities of a captain. She stiffened, was it an invitation? Could he possibly feel the same way that she had felt for years? Biting her lower lip, she looked towards the door, desire and temptation pulling at her. Rationality and intelligence pulled her away from temptation but as she felt another flare, she damned herself to hell anyway, and headed over to her door, opening it only a fraction. She then proceeded to untie her robe, slip off her panties and climb into bed in pitch-blackness. She lay in the darkness, smiling as she closed her eyes and hand her hand wander south.

xxxxxxx

It wasn't too long after he sent out another flare that Rukia's reiatsu spiked from inside her room, responding to his. He wasn't even doing anything sexual, merely teasing her as he continued his calligraphy. As another flare hit him, he waited for a few minutes, breath hitched and tense. After confirming that she was indeed replying to him through her reiatsu, he exited his study and headed towards her bedroom. A slightly open door greeted him, followed by pitch-blackness from within her room. He sent her a tiny flare as he stood outside, trying to peer in with confusion. He received nothing back, only darkness, but as he waited and strained his ears, he could make out her hushed breaths and the rustling of sheets. A whimper, a scratch of nails upon the sheets and deep inhale was all it took to arouse him. He knew what she was doing, and that she was doing it on purpose, perhaps returning the favour from earlier. He found his hands already undoing the night robe that he had put on earlier, letting it fall to the floor outside her room. He struggled to wait patiently for a few minutes as she continued, unsure whether to proceed or not. If this was all in his head, some sick fantasy that he was reading into, then he could seriously harm and mentally scar his sister – more so than he had already done earlier. He was beginning to have doubts when he heard her give a tiny moan, prompting his full attention. His heart nearly skipped a beat when he heard her half-whisper, half-moan his name, making him strip off his underwear and slip silently into her room, butt-naked.

xxxxxxx

Rukia brought her hand from under the covers and listened intently, no longer able to track Byakuya's reiatsu. He had just been firing off bursts of it, but now there was nothing. Was he deliberately masking it or did he simply want to be left undisturbed? Probably the latter, given his activities earlier. She sighed disappointedly as she stared into the blackness, snuggling into the cover tighter in comfort.

She turned her head rapidly as she heard a noise in the darkness, adrenaline and fear pumping into her. After a few more seconds of silence, she realised that she had been hearing things, but a movement on the bed caused her to sit bolt upright, hiding her nakedness with the covers. Had someone come into the room? She looked at the doorway, terrified, but realised that it hadn't budged an inch from when she had opened it. She felt the depression in the bed again, nerves and fear preventing her from speaking out.

She screamed as her wrists were grabbed by something, but her cry was muffled by something hot on her mouth. The covers were ripped away from her grasp and she was pulled into something hot and hard. She realised that she was pressed up against a person as soft lips kissed her. She squirmed and objected under the heaviness, her terrified screams stopped by the intruder. Her hands were lifted to the person's face and she caressed the stranger's cheekbones in an effort to identify them, before threading her fingers through their hair, pulling at the long strands. Her hands hesitantly graced over a male torso, before reaching something straining against his abdomen. Definitely male. He let out a surprised sigh as she touched him, and she would have known that sound anywhere.

With newly found confidence at her discovery, she kissed him back, coaxing the slight hesitation away from him. Male strength straddled her, her body tiny compared to his. He leant down and kissed her roughly, taking a breast in his hand and massaging hard. She whimpered against his mouth, terrified of the fast pace. She'd never done anything like this before, never mind about in the pitch dark without a face or voice to reassure her.

Upon feeling her trembling under him, he slowed down a little, realising that she must be still shocked, and perhaps a little nervous. She gently shushed her as he rested on his forearms, taking the time to kiss her gently and soothe her somewhat. He felt her hands on his shoulders, fingers pressing into his back and nails digging into the skin. With the slower pace her leg lifted against his side, and his already stretched self-restraint grew close to snapping point. He brushed against the softness between her legs, sending his senses into overdrive, but warm hands on his cheeks pulled him to the here and now.

Rukia lifted her hands to his face, smiling as she tried to picture him in the darkness. She longed to turn the light on and see his face, would emotion finally be etched onto it? Her hand reached out for the light, but it was caught by his hand and pulled back to his face. She realised that he didn't want to break this spell between them, perhaps he was worried that it would become awkward and strained if they saw each other. She contented herself with mapping out his face with her fingers, touching his cheeks, nose, and chin, lightly. Her fingertips brushed over his closed eyes before touching his hair delicately, noting his lack of kensaikan. Her eyes widened as she thought she heard a small laugh, and she immediately felt like questioning him, but worried that talking would also ruin the atmosphere. She smiled as she ran one hand down his arm and reached his hand, taking it and lifting his hand to her face. She found his index finger and brushed it over her lips, confidently sucking on the end suggestively. She could practically hear Byakuya's groan, and it was mere seconds before her hand was tugged from her mouth and replaced by soft lips. His kissing was rough and she could tell that he was finished with gentle playing.

Byakuya was through with being gentle, he would have easily pandered to her feminine hesitation, but now she was just playing with him. Her erotic move had spiked arousal in his body and now he wanted to play harder. Her tongue fought his back, making him laugh a little; it was nice to have a partner who actively responds. A small moan escaped her as he touched her breast, pleased with the results. He moved slowly downwards, incredibly hard as he mapped her body with his mouth and hands. He was glad that he was jerked off earlier; he'd probably have blown it by just feeling her up like this.

Rukia could feel kisses searing her neck and collarbone, heat building deep within her. She inhaled and opened her eyes as he stopped, feeling nothing on her skin, only air. Expectation built within her and she could have sworn she had felt her heart stop with excitement. She wriggled with impatience and expectation, not even being able to feel him with outstretched arms. She was about to worry that he had left her, but a hot, wet tongue to her nipple prompted an almightily moan from her. She didn't even care what she sounded like, or how he was even able to see where he was going, as his fingers found the soft flesh between her legs. His fingers took the place of where hers had once been, his thumb pressed firmly against her clitoris whist a single digit gently teased her. Her back arched as her whole nipple became warm and wet, the darkness and sense of unknowing turning her one even more. It was then that she realised why he hadn't wanted her to turn on the light. Sensory deprivation must be a turn on for him and she realised why. The sense of not knowing what he's going to do to her excited her and had her begging for more.

She felt him move, his mouth and hands halted as she heard the bed creak. She shuddered from the lack of his caresses but she cried out as his tongue lashed out against her clitoris. Waves of arousal beat against her. Only in her dreams had she imagined him pleasuring her most private of places, never had she dared imagine that it could ever become possible. Her fingers instinctively threaded through his soft hair, gently pulling in response. He only teased, stopping short and sitting up in the darkness. Rukia whined lightly, having been robbed of her release. She reached for him, sitting up to try and feel in the darkness for him.

Warm hands hit his chest lightly and he stifled a groan, letting Rukia take her turn to explore. He could feel her hands mapping him, tracing his body and noting every muscle and mark. He was unable to control his next groan as her hands strayed too far, touching him lightly with her fingertips. She stopped for a second and he knew she certainly hadn't expected such an open show of emotion from him. Her hand gripped him suddenly and he shuddered against her as she pressed her body against him. He manoeuvred to sit down on his knees, making it easier for her to reach him as she stayed up on her knees. He took her hand from him and placed it on his shoulder, bringing her face inches from his. He sought her out with his nose, nuzzling his against hers in comfort before kissing her gently. She pulled away quickly before resting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his neck, embracing him. He embraced her, suppressed memories and feelings surfacing in a rare show of emotion. He hadn't felt like this since Hisana, and the raw emotion cut deep, opening old scars. Hisana was his past, but Rukia is his future.

He shuffled with her to the pillows, before laying her down and gently nudging her legs. Rukia held her breath as she prepared herself, and Byakuya's lips upon hers was the sudden distraction that she needed. He pushed slowly; worried it might be too much for her. He didn't want to rush, after all. Rukia stiffened, feeling uncomfortable as he continued to ease into her. She willed herself to relax, reminding herself that she could make it through the pain. She flinched as Byakuya's hand suddenly touched her face lightly, stroking her face with the back of his hand. Arms around his neck and hands touching his back, she pulled him into her neck as she closed her eyes to welcome the pain.

Sensing her fret he turned to her ear, his voice barely recognisable as he whispered, "I'm here, stay with me, Rukia."

She gasped loudly, shocked that he would suddenly speak but more reassured nonetheless.

"Yes," she whispered back, arousal shooting down her as he squeezed a breast. He eased in further and further, the sensation uncomfortable but not wholly painful. Sheathed to the hilt, he allowed himself a rare groan, aroused by her tight warmth. As her grip loosened and her body relaxed, he took the initiative to continue, deciding to move shallowly and gently until she moaned for more. He hoped she would. He lifted her legs around his hips, angling his body so he could brush against the sweet spot that he was teasing earlier. Her nails marked his back as he kissed her roughly, his thrusts smooth and gentle, until her whimpers encouraged him further. With his body pushing against hers, the pressure built up quickly and within minutes she quivered around him, threatening to hurtle over the edge. His fingers found their way back in-between their bodies, pinching and tugging at her sensitivity. She cried lightly, almost cursing her lack of stamina as a violent spasm hit her. Acquiescence in the form of a rough yet simple kiss soothed her stamina worries and she gave into the torture, crying her release into his mouth as he abused her lips with a crushing kiss.

Byakuya groaned deeply as Rukia climaxed, forcing him into his own intense orgasm, as he could no longer hold out. He knew not when his pleasure ended as he laid against her, breathing heavily as pleasure, satisfaction, and fatigue melted into one. It has been centuries since he had last felt this relaxed and content. He finally moved around in the silence, their rushed breathing returning to normal as the pants lessened. He spread out besides her, relishing the coolness of unused sheets in light of his sweat-soaked body. He looked out into the blackness as rare smile graced his face, small but there nonetheless. He could hear her fumbling around in the dark and his hand sought hers, stopping her attempts to dress. He tugged on her hand, motioning her to him and within seconds she was lying beside him. He couldn't resist the feel of her hardened nipples against him, and their light touching took them down the same path.

xxxxxxx

In the privacy of his office, a young man blushed from ear to ear and it wouldn't have surprised him if his hair had turned red with the ferocity of his embarrassment. So this is pornography…huh? To both his complete surprise and disgust, he was hard. He looked at the images flashing up on the screen before shaking his head, choosing instead to wipe his history – as he had learned from Ichigo in the third computer lesson, and have an early night. Besides, Hitsugaya realised that doesn't need pornography, he has a wild imagination.

xxxxxxx

"Shunsui," Jūshirō addressed his best friend as they waited for the other captains to arrive for the meeting, his voice wavering slightly, "Did you investigate the…issue?"

"I did," he replied with a small smile.

"I see," Jūshirō replied, his face threatening to break out into a blush, "Did you…er…" he cleared his throat in an attempt to get over his embarrassment, "Find…er…well..."

"Yep," Shunsui replied casually, stifling a massive grin.

"Did you…you know…" Jūshirō continued, face now aflame with embarrassment.

"Oh yes, many times," Shunsui revealed shamelessly, open and unafraid to reveal all to his best friend.

"I'm not the only one then," Jūshirō muttered, prompting Shunsui to laugh loudly at his friend's embarrassment and confession.

"Ah, Shiro-chan," Shunsui beckoned the smaller man as he entered through the door to the meeting. Hitsugaya blushed deeply as he looked at the older men before looking down at the floor as he shuffled to stand in line. "He obviously researched pornography extensively as well."

Hitsugaya was about to defend his corner when Zaraki and his two wingmen burst through the door, whistling happily, "Well, boys, I slept well last night. And the night before. And the night before that, too."

"I wonder why," Jūshirō muttered, Shunsui responding with a giggle.

Byakuya, graceful as ever, was next to attend the meeting and stand in line, his usual unemotional face set. Zaraki grinned, even he could tell that the stuck-up prince's reiatsu was as light and happy as a child at Christmas. Unohana was next to enter, much to everyone's surprise, but she took her place as usual.

"To what pleasure do we owe your presence at our informal meeting?" Shunsui asked, his voice smooth and charming. Unohana knew the question was directed at her and waited until Mayuri showed up. Which he did, a few minutes later.

"You're all idiots," Unohana wasted no time in chastising the men as she shook her head from side to side slowly, "What did you honestly think pornography was?"

"I…we…what…?" Shunsui replied, words failing him as Unohana laid down the law.

"Idiocy in its prime, honestly. You've all been the world of the living, and seen adverts at the back of papers and in phone booths, and in the early hours of the morning on the television, haven't you?" she asked with a sigh.

"Oh yeah," Zaraki agreed, "And they have all those magazines at the stands that show half-naked women on the cover."

"Uh huh," Unohana folded her arms against her chest, "And one of you just had to send a picture to all of soul society, didn't you?"

"What?" Jūshirō asked, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"Yep," Unohana sighed, "While you were sending pictures and website links via email to each other, one was addressed to everyone in soul society with an email address. Wasn't it, Madarame?"

"What?!" Ikkaku roared, "I never did anything like that!"

"Here," Unohana sighed as she passed a piece of paper to Mayuri, who then studied it and passed it on to Zaraki.

"You did," Zaraki concluded after looking at the paper and handing it to the embarrassed man. "It shows the email that you sent, including the email recipients."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry captain!" he cried out, face flushing a deep red, "It was an accident."

"You're just lucky that only captains and vice-captains have email addresses yet, regular seats and unseated officers have yet to be issued their addresses," she scolded him, "Poor Hinamori, she practically hyperventilated and broke down during our women's meeting where she received her copy of the email."

"Oops…" Ikkaku muttered.

"The captain-commander also received a copy, of course," Unohana said casually, enjoying the horror and anticipation in the air between the men, "And he has planned a meeting on Monday at nine o'clock sharp to discuss the use of this 'internet.' Kurosaki should expect to have his head served up on a platter for introducing this to everyone."

Not one of the men spoke as she walked down the dual lines and headed for the door, "You just couldn't help yourselves, could you? You all just had to go and research pornography and spread it around. You should be ashamed of yourselves. If you're going to act like a bunch of perverts at least have the decency to keep it to yourselves and not bring chaos upon the Seireitei. Good day to you all, I'll see you all on Monday morning."

Retsu walked out of the hall, laughing to herself at the stupidity of their actions. The captain commander wasn't half as angry as she had made out, but they still needed to be chastised for their actions. She looked forward to seeing their anxious, worried faces on Monday morning, but for now she would relax and read her favourite romance books on the internet, it was only written pornography, after all.

* * *

**What did I tell ya, cracky or what? Hope you like it, it's not going to be anything more than a one-shot but I had fun writing it. Please drop me a review or pm to make me feel loved, you're all fab readers so you guyz are wonderful for all the support that reviews! Thank you, and just to complete the author's notes updates, you get a squiggle ~**


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